actually, I'm a sock model
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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