He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
