come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
