guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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