Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
