They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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