By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
