you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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