I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
