I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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