Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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