And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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