In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
