I wish i was in the wii world.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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