i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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