Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
