Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
