i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
