OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
