his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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