I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
