Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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