there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
