my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
