remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
