It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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