if i can run in heels then i can drive
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
