I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
