Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
