So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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