so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
