I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
