walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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