My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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