if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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