my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
