Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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