He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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