Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
