Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
