the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
