So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
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Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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I supernannyed him into submission
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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