Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
