i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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