I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
