and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
plz talk dirty to me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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