I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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