I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
