your parents love me but you hate me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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