nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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