you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
