can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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