I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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