Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
