Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
