im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
