I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
