I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
