just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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