I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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