haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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