she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
