I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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