farters have to be the big spoon...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
