you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
