I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
