Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
