just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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