that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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