i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
