Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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