You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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