so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
