we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
