My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
