yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
