After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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