y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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