mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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