hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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