That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
