You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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