he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
