I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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